I can’t run. My upper body strength is lacking. I don’t have visible abs (yet).

But I have been walking upwards of 5 miles a day, 4-5 days a week, for the past 3 weeks now. And for me, at this point in my life, that’s great.

I have also been making a habit this week to do 20 squats (almost) every time I use the bathroom.

And I’m currently experimenting with mild appetite suppressants like Marz+ Slim Spray (aff) to help curb the 420-related munchies during the last couple weeks before my beach trip. It’s helping a lot, surprisingly.

After I broke my ankle a couple years ago, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to exercise like this again. It’s been a tough recovery process, and I still have my weak moments.

But I’ve been slowly building its strength back up by walking often, almost daily. There have been a few setbacks here and there, but a lot more gains. And a lot of milestones celebrated.

I’m proud of these accomplishments. But I also know I have a very long way to go to get to where I want to be.

I’m not going to allow what I’m lacking to dictate my next set of actions though. There is no “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never be able to do this” kind of self talk happening.

The only thing that goes through my mind is, “I’m gonna try it and find out.” That’s it.

So what if I’m not able to yet? So what if someone sees me fail? None of that matters.

Because I was there. I showed up and I gave it a solid try.

I’m a 35 year old cat lady who has failed at so many things I’ve lost count of them all. What’s left of my ego has been beaten to a pulp ten times over. There isn’t much that really fazes me anymore. So what’s one more mishap?

I’ll take the L and try again later.

Today is a good day though. Aside from the fact that my uterus is a raging cunt currently, I still have energy to burn and the drive to get up and do something worthwhile.

It’s a sunny day. A little chilly, and that’s fine. The birds are singing and the vibe feels right. I like that.

It’s a perfect day to go buy a joint and walk around in nature for a couple hours. Listen to music or podcasts along the way. Whatever feels right at the moment.

And when it just feels right, my feet start moving effortlessly, regardless of the topography. And the next thing I know, I’ve walked 7 miles and it’s time to go home and make dinner.

That’s what I want for today- that feeling of ease as I walk briskly among the trees. To not be concerned about what I have to do next, or whatever drama may be happening in the moment. Just.. peace.

The world can wait.

– Kae